Chances are pretty good that you might know someone who’s
out of work. According to recent
statistics from the US Bureau of Labor Statistics the number of long-termed
unemployed (those jobless for 27 weeks or more) is 5.5 million, and accounted
for 43 percent of the unemployed. No doubt there are many others, like myself,
that simply don’t show up in these statistics because we’ve never taken
unemployment compensation or perhaps have simply quit trying looking for
work.
As a guy in my mid fifties, I’ve been unemployed, by choice,
for over a year. With the blessings of
my wife I’ve taken time off to recharge my batteries from a rather stressful
position as a nonprofit executive director. This experience has helped me to
develop empathy for the vast number of others who are not in paid
positions. Please let me help you to get
a sense of what this transition from the whirlwind of employment to the
stillness and isolation of unemployment is like.
Perhaps the biggest impact for me of being unemployed was
the blow I took to my sense of identity. I was used to getting a certain amount of
respect and even admiration for the work I did. Now, without a paid job, it is
awkward to justify my existence to others and yes, even at times to
myself. How much more pain must be
involved for those who have lost their jobs by no fault of their own, and who
have been struggling unsuccessfully to find paid work. Rejection is hard. Particularly painful is the sense that what
you have to offer the world isn’t perceived to be of value.
There is considerable stigma, especially for men regarding
unemployment. It’s been almost universal
that my male friends seem understanding and even often envious of my
unemployment, while women commonly seem much more uncomfortable and dismayed if
I’m not eagerly looking for gainful (read $) employment.
Another major adjustment is figuring out how to structure
one’s day, for those 8-12 hours that had previously been filled by paid
employment. There is a vast void in one’s schedule. As a person with far more hobbies and ideas
than time, I haven’t found this to be to be a good problem. I’ve started a blog, where I post pictures
and or commentary almost daily, have volunteered in numerous capacities at
church and within the community, expanded our home’s vegetable garden and have
even started regularly making bread.
I’ve come to value the important, but underappreciated role
“home makers” play in the myriad jobs they take on throughout the course of a
day; from chauffeur, to cook and cleaner, community volunteer to financial
accountant and coupon clipper.
How do you respond to your friends, neighbors and relatives
who are unemployed? It can be an awkward
thing for those of us who don’t like to discuss painful situations. Consider, for example, the pain induced by an
all too common question of “What do you
do for a living?”. If you’re unemployed
you might not want to have to justify your existence like this upon first
meeting. “Tell me about yourself”, or even “How about this weather?” would be a
far more welcoming introductory salvo.
Chances are pretty good that you might know someone who’s
out of work. According to recent
statistics from the US Bureau of Labor Statistics the number of long-termed
unemployed (those jobless for 27 weeks or more) is 5.5 million, and accounted
for 43 percent of the unemployed. No doubt there are many others, like myself,
that don’t show up in these statistics because we’ve never taken unemployment
compensation or perhaps have simply quit looking for work.
As a guy in my mid fifties, I’ve been unemployed, by choice,
for over a year. With the blessings of
my wife I’ve taken time off to recharge my batteries from a stressful position
as a nonprofit executive director. This experience has helped me to develop
empathy for the vast number of others who are not in paid positions. What an
abrupt transition it is to go from the whirlwind of employment to the stillness
and isolation of unemployment.
The biggest impact for me of being unemployed was the blow I
took to my sense of identity. I was used
to getting respect and even admiration for the work I did. Now, without a paid
job, it is awkward to justify my existence to others, and yes, even at times,
to myself. How much more painful it must be for those who have lost their jobs
by no fault of their own and who are struggling unsuccessfully to find paid
work. Rejection is hard. Particularly painful is the sense that what you have
to offer the world isn’t perceived to be of value.
There is considerable stigma, especially for men regarding
unemployment. It’s been almost universal
that my male friends seem understanding and even often envious of my
unemployment, while women commonly seem much more uncomfortable and dismayed if
I’m not eagerly looking for gainful (read $) employment.
Another major adjustment is figuring out how to structure
one’s day. There is a vast void in one’s schedule for those 8-12 hours that had
previously been filled by paid employment. As a person with far more hobbies
and ideas than time, I haven’t found this to be to be a good problem. I’ve
started a blog, where I post pictures and or commentary almost daily, have
volunteered in numerous capacities at church and within the community, expanded
our home’s vegetable garden and even started regularly making bread.
I’ve come to value the important but underappreciated role
“home makers” play in the myriad jobs they take on throughout the course of a
day; from chauffeur, to cook and cleaner, community volunteer to financial
accountant and coupon clipper.
Unemployment creates a heightened sense of vulnerability,
both financially and within relationships. I now more fully appreciate how
people in abusive relationships might choose to stay in them rather than risk
the great uncertainty and possible destitution that could come by being on
one’s own, particularly for those without recent employment history.
Finally, one of the most significant impacts of being out of
the work place is the isolation one feels. Besides bringing a paycheck, jobs
also often provide considerable mental stimulation and social interaction, that
one simply does not get while sitting at home. It has been a wonderful
experience for me to have discovered another unemployed neighbor, with whom I
can walk and talk in the morning. We regularly discuss politics, books and yes
even those painful feelings that come with being out of work.
So, how to respond to those who are unemployed? How about
offering a visit over coffee or lunch? All you need to do is provide is a
nonjudgmental attitude and a listening ear. And, if you’re able, offer to pick
up the check. ;-)
This commentary was printed in yesterday's StarTribune "How to talk to the unemployed".
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